What's wrong with kids these days?

     So, I have previously mentioned my intense involvement in school (president of 3 clubs, on a bunch of committees, etc.). What I've recently noticed on campus is everyone else's intense uninvolvement. I have to practically club students over the head and drag them to meetings. The Writer's Club, for example, has maybe 8 members and for the past two or three weeks only one or two of them even show up. The committees at school are severely ignored, something that should be of at least some importance to college students. Some of these committees have a rather large say in what the money they pay for tuition helps to support. Plus, being involved in campus activities goes a long way as far as applying to other colleges when it comes time to transfer. I think that this fact and the money issue should be enough motivation for at least some of the more motivated students to get involved, but the majority of our campus seems to be asleep. Granted UW-Fox is only a two year institution, but the lack of motivation that I have observed here is so disheartening.
     I was having a conversation about this outside with the president of the sustainability club and we were at a loss on how to solve this problem. Where does it even stem from? Is this just a symptom of our college? Is it all two-year colleges? Is it the whole Fox Valley area? The county? The state? The country?

     Not that I don't think the population as a whole doesn't have some kind of involvement problem. Our voting statistics have decilned in the last few years (73% in 2004 and 69% in 2008, which is still appalling if you ask me. Why would ANYONE not vote? It's free for Christ's sake). Most people I know around my age don't even connsider voting in local elections, which is just plain sad considering how many people bitch and whine about the government. It doesn't do much good to have other people vote for things that affect your life, then complain about how horrible some new policy is. If I hear someone make the claim "Well, my one vote isn't really going to count in the long run..." one more time I'm going to vomit...all over the person who says it. It's only fair that people so blatently ignorant should experience my disgust towards their stupidity as physically as I do. Every time I hear someone say something like that, I think of the hundreds of thousands of other people saying the exact same thing at the exact same time and it's enough to make me want to leave the country. Anyway, I didn't mean to go off on that rant because what I really wanted focus on was the college problem I'd previously stated.

     Let's get back on the path we strayed away from here...where was I? Oh, low involvement on campus and high dropout rates, that's right. As I pondered this problem the other day, I settled on what I think is one of the main problems, high school. Think about it...what did high school really do for you? It sure as Hell isn't a place that to fosters the minds of our youth. If anything they're all about hammering students into submission rather than allowing them to question the world around them. I think these kids come to college expecting it to be more like high school and fail miserably because it's nothing like the structured world they came from. I remember one of my first days in college, my english professor (the infamous Bill Gillard) stood up in front of the class and the first thing he said to us was, "What am I supposed to teach you?" (which isn't the exact quote, but it's close). The class was at a loss. They couldn't even wrap their minds around it. It had been ingrained in them to follow, not lead. They expected him to tell us what we would learn, not what we wanted to learn, but he had made a good point. We were paying for the class, we should have some kind of say in what goes on in the classroom.
     College is not a place where teachers will hold your hand or call your parents if you miss a class. For kids who aren't used to making responsible decisions this is like an open invitation for failure. This isn't true for everyone, but many kids (especially the ones who have parents willing to foot the bill for tuition) get drunk on their newfound freedom. Damn, our school isn't even a big party school and there are students who flunk out because they spent too much time getting drunk. That shouldn't even be an excuse! A good percentage of these kids don't even have jobs or only work part time! School is their only responsibility and it isn't that hard. I go out drinking plenty, am involved on campus, work part time and still get damn good grades, even though I'm often scrambling to finish essays the day before they're due. Our education system is failing for many kids, especially those with learning disabilities. Take ADD for example, it's something that could potentially be considered an advantage, but not in our system. Instead of having any classes tailored to their needs (keep in mind they comprise a larger and larger percentage of students each year) we see them as a "problem" within the system because the way they learn doesn't fit nicely into the way our curriculum or teaching styles are set up. Instead we stick them in special classrooms and label them as LD. This has a HUGE negative effect on their motivation and self-esteem. It's just not fair and things need to change. We've been avoiding changes in the school system for too long.
     Maybe I should give more consideration to entering the field of politics....

On Wisconsin and Why Your State's a Pussy

     Okay, so maybe you're not all pussies, but too many of you bitch about us (us being Wisconsin). I'd like to start off by saying I love my state, fucking love it. I have more love for my state than I do my entire country. Sure, it kinda sucks that it gets cold up here, but at least it offers some yearly variety. With that said, let's address the reasons why I've heard some recent girlish whining from other states...
     Many of you (especially you New York) seem to think we have some kind of drinking "problem" in the great state of Wisconsin. Problem? I don't think so, and here are the reasons why...
                     1. We will always beat you at drinking games. Always. Have you ever played beer pong with a Wisconsinite? If you did, you probably don't remember because you can't hold your liquer. In fact, if you go to some vacation spots down south and want to participate in their spring break drinking games, they won't let you if you present to them a Wisconsin ID. A subpoint to be made here is that Wisconsinites can turn any activity into a drinking game and are therefore typically the most interesting people to be found at a party. Here is a very small list of the things in life we make more interesting: AC/DC's Thunder (drink every time you hear "thunder"), 3 Man (a simple dice game that has no end), countless card games, word games (Myrtle Turtle is just one example), or any board game you have.

                      2. If we didn't spend so much time drinking it, how would we be able to brew such great beer? Have you tasted the beer brewed in Texas? I wish I hadn't. It tasted like watered down Coors (which, if you know anything about beer, is watered down enough). Thankfully, you have Wisconsin to save you from such bad taste with Miller and Pabst (which is shamefully owned by S&P now, but it all started in Milwaukee). Not that Miller and Pabst are all we have to offer, I feel that our micro-breweries are really where it's at, but you poor suckers in other states aren't likely to find them where you're from. If you ever do get the chance to visit this veritable beer Olympus here are a few of our best: Spotted Cow or Coffee Stout from New Glarus Brewery, Happy Ending from Ale Asylum, Whole Hog Pumpkin Ale from Stevens Point Brewery, and pretty much anything from Stone Cellar Brewery.
                     *I do give credit to New Belgium though, Fat Tire is simply amazing

                           3. We have a high alcohol tolerance. This may not seem like a big deal at first, but think about it for a minute. The benefit to Wisconsin males is that they are still functional enough to pick out attractive females after midnight (but hey, everyone has to get stuck with a coyote sometimes), still able to defend themselves decently in case of a disagreement with someone from a neighboring state, and don't do anything excessively stupid until most other people are already passed out. The women of Wisconsin gain many advantages from this as well; it's harder for men to take advantage of them because they don't get drunk as easily, they're less likely to be the kind of girl who spends the night in the bathroom crying and puking, and they can hold their own if you have to be their partner for a drinking game.

                 *These benefits mostly apply when the Wisconsinite is found among groups of people in neighboring states, but when in their own state these situations help maintain a healthy competitive society. I will also sorrowfully admit that some Wisconsinites have not been raised to be good drinkers and tend to get caught up in the prevailing culture before removing their training wheels properly. These are not REAL Wisconsinites, they are simply failed attempts at breeding.

                           4. Define "problem". I did a survey for AODE once just to see what would happen. I informed them that I drink alcohol anywhere from 4 to 7 times a week, I drink over 4 beverages in one sitting probably 4-8 times per month, and on average when I drink I have 2-5 drinks (Jameson on the rocks is my poison of choice, but it's more often beer). I was classifiied as a low-level alcoholic. I don't see a problem with my drinking habits whatsoever. I get drunk maybe once a week, sometimes twice, sometimes not at all and when I drink during the week it's typically just having a beer after dinner. It's not like drinking is having any adverse effect on my life or my responsibilites. For example, I am president of the Writer's Club, Editor in Chief of the college's literary magazine, Overlord of the D&D Club (I know I'm a nerd, see previous post), Chair of the Food Services Committe, a member of the Lecture and Fine Arts Committee, a member of Student Association, a member of the Commencement Comittee, a member of the Textbook Committee, I attend Collegium every month, I tutor writing and 3 other courses, and I'm taking 13 credits this semester (and am currently getting As and B+s). Oh, and did I mention that I'm also working on creating a website to help students find cheaper textbooks and am working on starting a non-profit organization for student scholarships? Okay, now I'm bragging, but you get the point. Of course there are some people who definately have a problem, but those people exist everywhere else too, so don't be pointing your fingers at Wisconsin (per capita consumption based on sales is higher in the south than in the midwest...that mean s you Alabama). Aside from a typical spattering of people with REAL problems, drinking doesn't have such disastrous effects that counselors would lead you to believe in many cases.

     So, all of you non-Wisconsinites can just sweep the sand out of your vaginas and quit bitching about how our culture is somehow bad because we enjoy our beer. Better yet, I invite you to come visit and see for yourself what a good time we have. Walk into a bar and witness the close relationships we share with one another by spending so much time hanging out together in a relaxing atmosphere. When I worked in a bar, the patrons became my friends and were some of the nicest, most interesting people I could associate with.

Nerd Identification Guide

I'm a nerd, of the D&D variety to be exact. I admit it. Still, most people wouldn't necessarily guess that this is the case because I don't look like a social outcast. Which is part of the point I'd like to elaborate on, not all nerds are easily detectable. This blog post will help you to detect other nerds among you, even if they tend to hide it well. Why would I want to do this, you might ask, well for a variety of reasons. It might help you identify others like you if you're a nerd yourself (having "cool" nerd friends might even get you laid), it might help you strike up a conversation with a cute guy you're currently semi-stalking, or it might even give you some fresh material to use while picking on a friend. Whatever the case may be, it's always good to have some insight about the people around you. Before I go into how one can detect the closet nerds, I'll take you on a little recap of the obvious symptoms of nerdiness:
          - Hair: Nerd hair is generally a dead giveaway. Although the cut itself is often outdated or unstylish, it's the cleanliness that really sticks out like a sore thumb. I've seen nerds with good haircuts, but the hair is generally greasy and in such disarray that it's hard to tell what the hairstylist was trying to accomplish the last time it was trimmed. Dandruff is also a common affliction.

          - Glasses: This can be what the French call a "faux ami", or false friend. Glasses can be an indicator of geekiness, but they are definitely not a necessary nerd accessory! Plenty of nerds have glasses, but keep in mind plenty of people who are NOT nerds have glasses (classic example: Clark Kent...actually bad example, he's a fake superhero that nerds read about).

          - Style of Clothing: I think all nerds want to get laid, but they're the people who look the most like they're specifically trying to repel the opposite sex. You know what I mean...The girl who wears long skirts that even your mom says she's too young for with an oversized blouse that just barely matches the hideous pattern hiding her pale legs. Or better yet, picture that boy from your math class who wears tight-legged jeans that end two or three inches above his shoes to reveal sexy, vibrantly white socks paired with a shirt his mother must have picked out. The bottom line here is a nerd's manner of dress is often a dead giveaway.

          - Mannerisms: This is a large category that can be further divided into body language and speech patterns. As far as body language is concerned, nerds often slouch. This improper body carriage is probably a result of low self esteem, a common ailment among this particular species of human (a characteristic unfortunately shared by many women though they display it in a very different way). Nerds also have a tendency to speed walk, a quality that I believe they've adopted to minimize the possibility of having to interact with others by making it seem as though they're always in a hurry (even though a nerd is NEVER late for class). When it comes to speaking, it isn't the nerd's tone of voice or even pitch that gives them away, but their manner of speaking. Nerds often speak fast and seem uncomfortable when they talk to you, which is often accompanied by a pained expression on their faces. This is because it actually hurts them to talk to "normal" people for one of two main reasons (though sometimes both); they fear that "normal" people will ridicule them for what they have to say or they feel that you are inferior to the extent that what they say will sound like nonsensical gibberish to the general population. In addition to these complications I've also observed that nerds sometimes also have a speech impediment, of which stuttering is the most prevalent (probably as a result of their aforementioned anxiety towards society as a whole).

Got all that? Good, because this is where it gets tricky. Some nerds are more socially conscious than others and take extra measures to hide their truly lame interests. They dress like you, they talk like you, and they seem to be well-adjusted members of society. Don't be fooled! You can spot a nerd in the unlikeliest of places if you know what to look and listen for. Hairstyle, general clothing style, and glasses are no longer going to give you the truth you seek, so we're going to dig a little deeper....

          - Brands/Graphic Ts: Although the general style of closet nerds won't generally give them away, there are small details that can provide you with clues. Of course any T-shirt with a dragon, fairy, magic use of any kind, or dice on it is a giveaway even if their pants are stylish. Also, there are some nerd brands that they may feel comfortable wearing because they think the general populace won't know what those brands represent. These are brands like Wizards of the Coast, Blizzard, and most companies that involve the words guild, adventure, or dragons.

          - Social Interactions: It pretty much goes without saying that even the most stealthy closet nerd is bound to have some flat-out geeky friends that associate with them from time to time. If you see some of the aforementioned blatant nerds talking to someone on a regular basis who you may have otherwise believed to be "normal" beware.

          - Vocabulary: Sometimes it's hard for others to pick out nerds by listening to their jokes and lingo, but once you know the vocabulary it's like spotting a ogre in a halfling town (you didn't get that did you? But it's exactly what you're looking for). There are far too many words and phrases that come to mind to name them all, so I'll just list of some general pointers. If anyone EVER makes a statement that contains the words "you just rolled a..." or "I just rolled a..." they are a nerd. The most common situation this will occur in is one where someone commits a clumsy or stupid mistake, nerds can't resist telling them, "Wow, you just rolled a 1". If someone claims to have a "plus (insert number)" anything...confused? Here are a few examples: when boasting of superior people skills a nerd might say he has a +5 charisma check, they may also claim to have something like a +1 pencil of writing, or I've often been told I have a +6 spot check. It's cool, I know. Lastly, if you hear them mention mythical or made-up creatures often, chances are it came from the Monster Manual (for those of you who have never heard of such a thing, it's like the Audubon of D&D).

So, while it's harder to pick out a closet nerd, it's by no means an impossible task. Not that I have anything against nerds, like I said I'm a nerd myself. This entry was actually written with my friend Adam in mind. He is a total closet nerd because he fears ridicule. I would visit him at work when he was a bartender at this awesome local bar/restaurant called Choices and want to talk to him about some aspect or other of D&D. If I started the conversation when his coworkers around though, he would shush me until they left because he didn't want anyone to know he played. And yes, I have asked him if he had sand in his vagina; a question he insists on leaving open.

Hello out there

I don't really get into this whole "blog" thing, but other writers do it, Hell, even people who should never have been allowed to touch a pen much less a keyboard are out there doing it too. So, I figured it was about time to jump on the bandwagon to help keep my creative juices flowing (don't worry I'm wearing protection and I just got tested baby). Now here I am without anything much to say and only a scant 10 minutes to think something genius up. This feels kinda funny now that I've come right out and admitted to my lack of material. It feels like you people are looking at me, expecting something (and you are, you're sitting there squinting at your screen right now)....How about we have a little storytime? I'll regale you with the story of the last time I got punched in the face.
When I was a child between the ages of 6 and 11, I had a bit of a superiority complex. Maybe that's not the best word for it...assertive sounds so much nicer, I was a very assertive child. I tended to assert my power over other children in school to help convince them that what I wanted to do was clearly the most fun activity we had available to us. I often convinced groups of girls that it was a good idea to harass the boys in our class using various methods of torture. Most of the time it was just catcalls from across the playground, but we weren't above pinching them too and at times there were all-out fistfights. Though I never really had a clear plan, I always worked toward pissing one or more of the boys off to the point that they would resort to violence. When it finally got to that point I was the first kid on our side to start throwing punches back. I loved to fight and I was good at it, but there were a few times I crossed the line.
I'll always remember the first time I realized "the line" existed, because it was the (aforementioned) face-punching incident. Not that I'd never been hit in the face before, it was just that this time it was repeatedly and I didn't stand a chance. My friend Christina and I were walking home from school one beautiful spring day. An older boy, known for being a "tough kid" at school, was walking leisurely home in front of us. I saw this as a perfect opportunity to start talking some shit; he was a little way ahead of us and would likely ignore me, plus I get to look cool in front of my friend by talking smack to a fifth grader. So I start talking, loudly, to Christina about how I heard Evan's actually nothing but a pussy and mention that I think I could probably take him. He turned around to shoot me a reproachful look, but said nothing and after a moment continued walking. Thinking I'd gotten the better of him I said loudly, "Yeah, you should prob'ly keep walkin' fatty."
With violent speed, he turned on his heels and came at me full charge. He was like a fucking freight train barreling towards, the kid was huge and I could all but see the steam rising from his red face. I might have had time to run, Christina sure as Hell did, but I just stood there in shock. He lept onto me when he got close enough and I fell to my back with him crushing the air out of my lungs. He sat on my chest with his knees pinning my arms and punched me until he was satisfied we understood each other. I understood alright, there was a line and I had clearly crossed it. I'm a little more conscious of such boundries now, though I still have the unfortunate habit of not knowing when to shut up or quit....